


Have I Loved?

by notaliteraltoad



Series: Be Mine (Fallout Soulmate AU) [1]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:28:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notaliteraltoad/pseuds/notaliteraltoad
Summary: Nora's been hiding her soulmark from the minute she woke up in this wasteland, but it's just possible Nick has known all along.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a oneshot but I got impatient! Part two will be the conclusion!

Nick's little office was considered cluttered and cramped by most, but there was something about it that Nora loved. It was homey with so much furniture crowded around the little desks, ornaments and paperwork scattered across every available surface. The fact that Nick was there probably helped, too.

It was pretty easy to say Nora spent every available waking hour with Nick. She hadn't  _meant_ for it to  happen really, but they just felt so good together. She hadn't felt like this since... since Nate.

A soft smile graced her face as she gazed over at Nick. They had found an old, battered loveseat outside of Diamond City and Nora had immediately claimed it as her own. From her position, sprawled across it like she lived there, Nora could see Nick  _perfectly._ No, she wasn't watching him work - but she had to admit he looked pretty cute, engrossed in his files the way he was.

He was none the wiser, golden eyes narrowed in concentration as he scribbled something down in a battered notepad. He muttered something under his breath and crumpled the paper into a ball - then tossed it into the trash by his desk.

"Something wrong, Nicky?"

Nick's bright eyes met hers, but instead of giving her his usual lopsided grin, he just frowned. "Fine doll, don't worry about it."

"I know a lie when I hear one, sweetheart. Is it that Violet kid's case again? You know, I reckon her soulmate just bailed on her, couldn't take the pressure of being soul-bonded to an ex-raider." Nora huffed out a sigh and pushed herself into a sitting position. "It sucks, but sometimes it just happens."

Another sheet of paper was tossed into the trash, bouncing off the edge and landing on the floor. He was starting quite the collection. "It's not that. This is something more  _personal._ "

"Oh." So not a case, then? Biting down on her lower lip, Nora ventured further. "Do you want to talk about it? I know I'm not great with the  _emotional stuff,_ but I'd like to help." Nick had so much on his shoulders already - if there was  _anything_ she could do, all he had to do was say the word.

Except Nick hated accepting help as much as Nora hated dealing with emotional troubles. They were at an impasse.

"I'll figure it out eventually, don't you worry. Let's just say there's something I should tell someone, but I might have left it too late."

Nora's eyes widened, heart skipping in her chest. No, surely not... did he  _know?_ Automatically her eyes dipped down to her wrist - and although it was always concealed by a thick leather bracelet, she knew what was written there.

In a thin, scratchy font was the name of her soulmate, looping its way around her wrist. The name was  _Nicholas Valentine._

Surely he couldn't know. She had told him her name was  _Nora Dyer._ Never mind that Nora was her middle name and Dyer was just something she had read in a book.

"...anyway, aren't you supposed to be babysitting Nat?"

"Huh?" Dark eyes flickered up to meet Nick's face. Her  _soulmate's_ face. Well, maybe. The whole synth thing was still throwing her off. 

"You're supposed to be looking after Nat tonight. Or did you forget?"

Nora just blinked, brain struggling to catch up. "Oh  _shit!_ Is that tonight? What time is it? Piper's going to hate me." Suddenly her mind was a buzz of activity, stumbling over itself to do the mental math of where her stuff was, how long she had left, when she had to be there by. She could worry about her secret later - if she didn't get to Piper's, she would kill her before it mattered.

She grabbed her battered leather trench from the coat rack, barely fitting both arms through before scooping up the equally ancient rucksack. "Okay, I'm out! See you later, Nick." She cast him one last fond smile, hand dancing across her face as she blew him a kiss.

"Bye, doll." There was a laugh in Nick's voice, but as she swept through the door and slammed it closed behind her, Nora thought she caught the smile slip from his lips.

She barely stepped out of the cover of Nick's agency before the first drop of rain hit her. It was cold, tingling a little as it rolled down her nose. Radrain.

Pulling the hood close against her head, Nora set off for Piper's home. She knew the streets of Diamond City like the back of her hand; as well as any pre-war city she had frequented before cryo.

It only took a few minutes to dash through the winding streets, heavy boots sliding on the flooded pavement. Before she knew it, Nora was skidding to a stop outside the metal shack. Raising a hand, Nora barely even knocked before it was swung wide. With a yelp she jumped back, only  _just_ avoiding a metal door to the face.

"Oh, Nora! I was starting to think you weren't going to show. I didn't hit you in the face, did I?"

Grinning, Nora shook her head. "Nearly but not quite. I get to live another day free of black eyes and broken noses. Anyway, can I come in? It's fucking freezing!"

Piper stepped aside, lips tugging up in a matching smile. "Sure, but don't get rainwater on the furniture. There's not enough Abraxo in the Commonwealth these days."

"Then stop wasting it all trying to make the place look nice. No one ever comes in here except Nora and Nick, anyway." Nat poked her head around the corner, dark eyes sparkling.

"Hey you, enough sass. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

As Nora busied herself with shucking off her jacket and shoes, Piper lifted her own coat from the rack by the door. "You know the drill; Nat's to be in bed by eleven  _at the latest;_ and  _you_ aren't to go taking any sneak peaks at next week's newspaper when no one's looking." Brushing her hair under her cap - for all the good it would do, the rain was going to soak through it in seconds - Piper headed to the front door.

Nat cupped her hand around her mouth and mock-whispered, "it's fine, I'll let you read it as soon as Piper's gone." Then with a burst of laughter she disappeared up the stairs before Piper could utter a word.

Piper just rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Thanks again, Nora. See you when I get back." Her eyes flickered to the mezzanine - which was really little more than an upstairs balcony made of shoddy metal and wood. "Bye Nat! Don't stress Nora out too much."

She appeared again, sticking her tongue out before laughing and ducking out of view. 

With that, Piper was ready to go. She left with a goodbye hug and cheerful wave - and then disappeared into the darkness of the evening. Within seconds the thundering rain had hidden her completely.

So now it was just Nora and Nat. Babysitting was hardly her thing - in fact, she really didn't enjoy it at all. Who wanted to spend the evening looking after other peoples' kids? But Nat was pretty cool, and it gave her an excuse to actually talk to someone that  _didn't_ involve a case with Nick. Especially since there were no more leads on the Institute.

With a huff, Nora plopped down onto the sofa. With her leather jacket removed she was  _almost_ dry, but the remnants of radrain were beginning to soak into t-shirt. Not enough to  _hurt,_ but it left a weirdly tingling feeling down her arms. With a quiet groan Nora tugged the t-shirt off and tossed it aside - where it wouldn't dampen Piper's sofa. It was kind of chilly in just her tank top, but it was better than needing a rad-away later.

The little mezzanine was pretty unstable, and as Nora turned to lift her pack she saw the supportive beams shake - right as there was the loud  _crack_ of something slamming against wood. 

" _Fuck!"_

Nora's head snapped up, but she couldn't see a thing from so far below. "Nat, you okay?"

"Uh yeah, fine! Just-" her words were cut off by another thud. It almost seemed to shake the room, the support beams shuddering uneasily. "Just trying to get something... aha! I knew I could reach it." Moments later she came trotting down the stairs with something large and square held tightly in her arms. "Piper found this a couple weeks ago when she was cleaning up, but we've never had the chance to play it. Want to?"

When she set the object down on the table, Nora had the perfect view of a nearly intact game of Blast Radius. Huh. She was pretty sure her sister owned a copy of that when she was young. Two hundred years in the future and nothing had changed.

"Okay, let's play. I'm warning you though, I won't go easy because you're a kid." Nora leaned over for a better view of the box, hand reaching out to slide the game onto the table. 

"Good! I'll still beat you. Just because - hey, what's that?"

"What's what?" Nora looked up, only to see Nat pointing at her wrist with a knowing grin. What? Oh. A glance down confirmed her suspicions - without the long sleeves of her shirt to hide it, the bottom of her soulmark peeked out from underneath her leather wristband. "It's nothing." Nora dropped her arm, holding it close to her body as if to shield Nat from the sight of it.

Unfortunately for her, Nat was the persistent type. She must have gotten it from Piper. A bright smile danced across her face as she leaned over, swiping at Nora's hand with a chubby one of her own. "Yeah, then let me see! C'mon, everyone has a soulmark. Why don't you want me to see yours?"

"Because it's none of your business!" Nora's heart jumped as she scooted away from Nat, the uneasiness swelling inside of her. 

With a pout, Nat rocked back on her heels. She was wearing a short sleeved dress herself and didn't need to roll up the sleeves when she shoved her wrist in Nora's face. "See, here's mine. Some guy named Billy something-or-other, his handwriting is a mess."

How easy it was to be a kid, when soulmarks weren't a big deal and  _meeting_ said soulmate felt a million years in the future. Nora remembered what it was like not to care about the name scribbled on her arm.

"Really Nat, how's Piper going to react when she knows you've been bugging me? Some people think soulmarks are private is all." Which was... technically true. Few people went around flashing their soulmarks - then again, few people went to such extent to hide them the way she did, either.

Nat's pout didn't budge. Instead she folded her arms and, like the sulking child she was, tried the puppy-dog eyes approach. Yes, she looked incredibly cute and  _yes,_ Nora was easily sucked into those huge chocolate eyes - but her resolve was  _not_ crumbling.

With a groan Nora dropped her head back, where it thudded against the back of the sofa. "Fine, but you can't tell  _anyone._ Not even Piper. Got it?"

Immediately Nat flung herself over the side of the sofa, dropping onto the stain covered cushions with a smile so broad it might have broken her face. "Tell me! Who is it?"

Nora's hand drifted down to her left wrist, lightly grazing the tail end of the name marked there. "It's Nick." Dropping her hands back to her side, Nora sighed. Saying his name felt... right. She had been keeping this stupid secret ever since she met the man, never once giving away the slightest clue of who he was. And now she had just told an eleven year old. Fantastic.

"Nick?  _Our_ Nick! Oh my God." She was absolutely  _beaming._ How Nat managed so smile so wide without it physically hurting was a mystery. "I didn't think synths  _had_ soulmates. I guess Gen 3's do, you know because they're based on real people." Sitting back, Nat tapped a hand to her chin thoughtfully. "So are you two like, dating now?"

Nora grimaced at the words. This was turning out to be a horrendous decision. "Not even in the slightest. He uh, doesn't know. Well he might, because he said something earlier that  _really_ sounded like he knew, but I haven't told him anything."

"But he knows who you are, so he  _has_ to know. Unless he doesn't remember; Piper said his human memories were kinda fuzzy."

Another grimace. Guilt settled heavily in her stomach as her eyes flickered away from Nat's imploring stare. Maybe not wasn't the time to tell the kid she didn't even know Nora's real name. "Let's just say he has no reason to know we're soulmates, and he's never hinted at knowing until today. Ugh, what if he's angry that I never said anything? Or worse, what if he doesn't  _want_ to be my soulmate? He's always so aloof and mysterious, a soulmate would ruin that image."

Nat's dark eyes bored holes into her skull, lips pursed. What was going on in her mind, Nora couldn't know for sure. Eventually she let out a small huff. "I think you should tell him."

"Uh, why? I think at this point it's just going to make things weird."

"Well, if he  _does_ know, then he won't be surprised. If he  _doesn't,_ then you'll finally tell him and it'll be all romantic and shit."

"Nat _._ "

"Sorry. Romantic and  _stuff."_ She just quirked a brow, that ever present grin lingering on her mouth.

How easy it was to be a kid. If only things were that easy for  _Nora._ She would have loved to solve all of her problems just by marching up to Nick and going ' _hey, we're soulmates and I think I'm in love with you. Can I kiss you now?'_

Except she wasn't in love with him, obviously. This was just an example conversation. Oh fuck, who was she kidding?

With a groan, Nora dropped her head into her hands. "I don't even know why I'm talking about this with you. You're a kid! You don't even know what romance is." She peeked at Nat from between her fingers, wishing for all the world she could go back in time and tell her former self not to start this conversation. 

Nat just grinned at her, plopping her chin into her hands. Somehow that made her look even more smug.

"C'mon kiddo, don't give me that look. I shouldn't even be telling you this! I swear, if this appears in next week's Publick Occurrences..."

A shriek of laughter escaped Nat's lips as she clapped her hands together in delight. "Oh, there's an idea!" Then upon seeing Nora's narrow eyed glare she quickly added, "I'm kidding! Mostly."

"Seriously Nat, I won't be afraid to-"

The front door burst open, the shriek of metal against metal grinding into Nora's ears as it slammed against the shack wall. Then Piper, buried under a mass of soaking wet fabric, came rushing in - all but spraying freezing rainwater across Nora and Nat.

"Piper!" Nat gasped, ducking out of the danger zone as more water showered down on her, courtesy of Piper shaking the rain from her bright red raincoat.

Unfortunately that left the entire spray to hit Nora directly in the face before she could move - before she even had a chance to react she was drowning in ice-cold water. It dripped down the back of her neck, tiny icicles stabbing at her. "Thanks, Pipes," she said dryly.

Piper turned to her, a sheepish smile curling at her lips. "Sorry Blue."

Probably a good idea to dry off. Heaving herself to her feet, Nora set off in search of a towel. "It's fine. Hey, why are you back so early anyway? I thought you and Ellie were going to be out till the early hours." Nora looked over her shoulder, casting them a grin. With Piper there, her conversation with Nat felt miles away.

Piper unceremoniously dumped her coat and hat on the rack by the door - right on top of Nora's own coat. "The weather was kind of a dampener on the mood. If  _that_ wasn't enough, Travis turned up so of course I ended up third wheeling. I keep telling her 'the two of you might be soulmates, but that doesn't mean you should ditch your friends.' Which she didn't actually do - but I wasn't about to hang around being the awkward tag along."

"Hey Nora, that means you can go now, right?" Nora could have sworn Nat  _winked._

There was a semi-clean towel tossed carelessly over a counter in what counted as the kitchen and Nora quickly wiped her face dry. The damp strands of hair were another matter. Patting them dry with the towel she wandered back to the sofa. "Thanks, glad to know you love having me around."

"Well, don't you have something you need to tell Nick?"

Settling herself down beside Nat, Piper sent her a questioning look. If Nora knew anything about Piper, it was her uncanny ability to sense gossip from even the tiniest scrap of information.

"It's nothing!" Nora replied instantly, waving a hand a little too furiously. Jitters ran through her body as she hopped from one foot to the other, eager to get away from Piper's unwavering gaze. "If you're back though Piper, I think I'll head off now. See you tomorrow!" Throwing the towel back onto it's home on the kitchen counter top, Nora swept up her coat, jammed her feet into her boots and ducked out the door. "Bye!"

Outside the rain  _pelted_ down, hammering bullets into the tin roofs of Diamond City. It was so heavy she could barely think - which was probably a good thing, in all honesty. Tugging her hood up - not that it made a difference, thanks to Piper - Nora sprinted for Nick's.

She was soaked the second she left the cover of the little canopy - the bone chilling cold made her teeth chatter as she hurried along the deserted steps. Wherever Ellie and Travis were, they were smart enough to stay away from the town centre.

The neon sign of Nick's agency glowed through the green-grey haze of the radrain; shining to her like a lighthouse to a ship. Nick stood outside under the shelter of the overhanging tin roof, cigarette hanging loosely from his metal fingers.

Nora paused as she neared him. The rain battered down, concealing the  _thud, thud_ of her wildly beating heart - but just the sight of him smiling lopsidedly at her made her mind go blank. Absently her hand dropped down to her wrist, tracing the concealed name scribbled there.

If she hadn't been so busy avoiding eye contact with Nick she might have noticed him to the same, although there was no soulmark on his synthetic skin.

"Nora, you should get inside before you get rad poisoning," he called, his voice oddly far away over the sound of the rain. Dropping his cigarette to the ground he stubbed it out with the toe of his shoes.

Taking a deep breath, Nora silently willed herself to calm down. It didn't help - as soon as her eyes flickered up to Nick's, she was lost in the gorgeous gold shining at her from the darkness.

Nick's hand was poised over the door, but he turned when Nora didn't follow him to shelter. "C'mon doll, you'll catch your death out here. Do you really want an emergency trip to Doctor Sun this time of night?" There was a smile playing at the corner of his tattered lips, but the deep concern in his voice was obvious. It was cute really,  the way his lips curled up further on his undamaged side. What would it be like to kiss them?

 _Dammit, Nat,_ was the only thing that went through Nora's mind as she finally pulled her hood further around her face and sprinted the remaining distance across the street. Her feet splashed cold, irradiated water as she darted over, soaking her jeans all the way up to the knees. Actually, she was beginning to lose feeling in her feet.

In one swift movement Nick bundled her up and shepherded her inside - all but physically  _carrying_ her to the familiar ancient loveseat in the corner. Nora flopped down into a messy, wet heap of fabric and knotted hair. 

"Honestly," Nick muttered, "what were you standing out there for? You've been here long enough to know the kind of stuff radrain does to you." He disappeared for a moment, rummaging for something in one of the cupboards by his bed. Why did he even  _have_ a bed, if he didn't sleep? Nora opened her mouth before it occurred to her how stupid a question that was - obviously the radiation had got to her. Or the cold. Probably both.

Besides, there were more uses for a bed than just sleeping. She wondered if Nick had ever used it. After all, there had to be  _some_ people in Diamond City who were into synths, and Nick was an amazing guy. Then again, it would be nice to be the first...

Ugh. That 'chat' with Nat had revealed  _far_ more than Nora would have liked.

The steady, quiet thud of footsteps reached her ears - and then Nick was beside her, gently pushing a towel into her hands. "I'll hang up your coat while you dry off. Do you have any spare clothes?"

Nora avoided his eyes as she shrugged off her jacket, letting it fall to the floor. As she shucked off her shoes she said, "yeah but my pack isn't waterproof. I've borrowed stuff from Ellie enough times that she has a stash of old clothes for me, though." 

"You should change, then. I'll uh, be at my desk if you need me." A look crossed his face then, something awkward and unfamiliar and somehow  _vulnerable -_ and his eyes subtly dipped to Nora's wrist.

But not so subtly that she didn't notice. Her own dark eyes cast a glance down, heart in her throat  because  _shit,_ he had seen it, seen her soulmark and now he knew for sure that she had been keeping this from him - but her thick leather wrist cuff covered any hint of the name looping across her arm.

So then why was she so damn sure that he knew?

Just as soon as the odd look flickered across Nick's face it was gone, leaving Nora wondering if she had imagined it all. With a smile he stood up, striding the small space between loveseat and desk in seconds. He settled down with a new folder of papers and got to work.

Trying not to think about those golden eyes, Nora went in search of clothes. She found them in the usual drawer Ellie kept just for her - there was a fresh set of capris, a faded checked shirt and clean (albeit too small) underwear. Hey, you took what you could get in the Commonwealth.

She tugged off her still dripping clothes and the relief from the clingy fabric was instant. She smiled as she pulled on the fresh clothes, taking in the scent of smoke that lingered on everything Nick went near. Before the war she had hated the smell of cigarettes, but now it was  _comforting._

From Ellie's little nook, Nora had the perfect view of Nick while remaining completely hidden. As she bundled up the wet clothes she watched him flick through his little notebook. He was as focused as ever, lips pursed and back straight as he worked. Every so often, though, he glanced up to where Nora was hiding, a frown tugging at the corner of his mouth. It was as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't quite bring himself to do it.

Nora had a fairly good idea of what was going through his mind. He knew. He  _had_ to. She had always been so careful to keep her soulmark hidden - right from the first day she crawled out of the vault and stumbled into Diamond City. 

When she crept back into the office, boots soundless against the old wooden floor, Nick immediately looked up from his paperwork. He shouldn't have been able to hear her - not unless he was listening for her.

Standing there in Nick's office, wearing a pair of too-big capris and still damp from the rain, Nora felt weirdly out of place. Nick's had always felt like home, perhaps even more so than Sanctuary. What had changed?

Well, the answer to that was far too obvious.

The words were right on the tip of her tongue.  _Nick, we're soulmates. Look, I have your name right here._ Her mouth opened, the words ready to spill - but instead all that came out was a feeble, "Hey Nick, is it all right if I stay the night?"

The way his mouth twitched, the way he deflated by just a fraction, told Nora that wasn't the words he was expecting. "Sure doll, you know you're always welcome here. Take my bed."

 _Only if you're in it,_  Nora thought. Instead she said, "thanks Nick. You know, I'll buy Home Plate eventually."

"No rush. You know I enjoy your company."

His voice was light, cheerful - but Nora didn't have the heart so laugh. With a wave and barely perceptible sigh she collapsed onto Nick's bed.

Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow she would have the nerve to tell him. Yeah, she had been telling herself that for the last two months.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand the promised second half is official! I feel like this fic kind of meandered, but a lot of my writing ends up doing that :P I just love writing dialogue!

"If it's bothering you so much,  _talk to her._ Sending her cryptic hints clearly isn't working."  
  
"She's been through a lot Ellie, and I don't want to put undue press. Besides, Nora hasn't said anything herself - if she wanted this, she would have said."

Nora rolled over in the narrow bed, groaning quietly and resisting the urge to pull the pillow over her ears. It was too early in the morning to listen to Ellie and Nick arguing.

Wait, did Nick just mention her name?

Bleary eyes blinked open, the world swimming before slowly coming into focus. Pushing herself up to rest on her elbows, Nora's eyes drifted to Nick. 

He was scowling - or scowling as well as he could with his thick synthetic skin and inflexible face plates. He watched as Ellie lifted her coat from the hanger on the wall and slipped outside - no doubt for her usual morning coffee.

It wasn't until she swung her feet over the bed that Nick noticed her. As she groggily leaned over to shove her boots on, Nick's bright golden eyes turned to her. "Morning!" she chirped, hoping to inject some cheer into her voice. It was difficult with Nick's and Ellie's conversation playing in her mind.

_He knows. He has to._

The queasiness churning her stomach wasn't new, but she shifted uncomfortably anyway. 

"You're clothes are dry - I hung them over the loveseat." Nick's eyes held hers for a moment - one far too brief - before he turned back to his work.

"Right, thanks." Nora couldn't manage another word as she heaved herself to her feet. The bed was old - far better than anything else she had slept on post-war, but nothing on the cushioned double bed she was used to.  Her back cracked as she stretched and she let out a sigh of relief.

"You and Ellie were having  _quite_ the conversation," Nora spoke as she wandered over to the loveseat, "what were you talking about?" She knew of course, but what was he going to say? The truth, or some made up excuse?

Did she have any right to complain, when she was the one keeping the secret in the first place?

Nick barely paused at her question. Most people wouldn't have noticed at all - but Nora saw how his back stiffened, hand barely stuttering above the notebook before turning the page.

"She wanted you to tell me something, didn't she?" She moved closer, feet quiet on the wooden floor - she knew this place inside out, stepping on the quietest slats without having to think about it. "I guess I haven't exactly been upfront with you, either. There's something _I_ need to tell _you_."

 _Fuck._ She was really doing this, wasn't she? Her pulse pounded in her veins, the roaring in her ears drowning out Nick's response. She didn't miss the way he looked at her though, eyes curious but  _knowing,_ and Nora didn't need to say another thing for him to understand. Was that their soulbond, or just knowing each other so well? After all, no one in the world knew Nora like he did. Not even Nate knew her so intimately, so wholly.

"Nora?"

Reality came back to her in a flood, Nick's voice quiet and concerned, leaving her unable to do anything except stand and stare. "Sorry," she apologised. Through the pounding of her heart she sounded faint, far away. Her hands were sweating as she gripped the arm of the chair to sit down.

When Nora opened her mouth to speak, she thought of all the things she wanted - no,  _needed -_ to say. How much he meant to her, how she was sorry for keeping this a secret, how she hoped he was understanding. Instead, the words that came from her mouth in a flood were, "I've been keeping secrets from you."

Nick's golden eyes widened, but his composure was remarkable. If only Nora had the ability to keep so calm. By the tilt of his head and purse of his lips, Nora  _knew_ he had been waiting for this. Instead of saying so, he waited for her to continue. Ever the gentlemen, even now.

"Look, I  know what you and Ellie were talking about, so we should just... get it all out in the open, since you've known for - well, a while, probably." Her voice wavered and she paused, dropping her gaze to her lap. "Which I suppose I should have guessed, considering you're a literal detective. Anyway, I..." She  _felt_ Nick's gaze on her, boring into her, though he hadn't said a word. 

It was easier to show than tell, so Nora rolled up her sleeve and all but  _thrust_ her arm at him. Painted across her tan, freckle covered skin was Nick's name. 

He sucked in a breath, although they both knew he didn't need to breathe. Remnants of his human memories, or a conscious choice? "I knew I wasn't imagining things; but Nora, we aren't soulmates."

"Huh?" Nora snatched her arm back with such speed she wobbled on the ancient office chair, wheels creaking.

"You're soulmate was the  _real_ Nick Valentine, not some tin version of him. Synths don't have soulmates. Not even Gen 3s." Glowing eyes held her gaze, but it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. The guard came down, impenetrable, and Nick's thoughts were lost to her.

"How do you know?" Nora questioned, voice soft, "the real Nick is dead - and I  _should be -_ but maybe this is a second chance. You're as much a person as he was."

"But not human; only  _humans_ have soulmates."

"Ghouls do! And so do a couple of Super Mutants!" Nora's voice rose, desperation shining through. Her hands were shaking worse than ever as she balled them into fists around the fabric of her t-shirt. Why wouldn't he  _believe her?_ Did he really think so low of himself, or did he not  _want_ to be her soulmate? Tears stung the corner of her eyes.

"They were all human once. I never was, memories or not." It was his turn to cast his gaze away as his metal hand fumbled for the pack of cigarettes by his side. Plucking one he placed it in his mouth, the lighter making flames dance across his face. Light shimmered across the broken grooves of his face, shadows playing in the ragged hole of his cheek.

He had never looked so handsome.

When Nora sighed, it sounded more like a struggling sob. She swiped at her eyes before tears had the chance to fall, sinking lower in her seat. "Can't you just hear me out?"

"Of course, doll, but I think you're going to be disappointed."

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Nora closed her eyes and took in a slow breath. When she opened them, her eyes locked onto Nick's. "Maybe humanNick  _was_  my soulmate, but we'll never know because he's two hundred years gone. Anyway, who says you can't have a soulmate because you're a synth? You're not like any other person in the world, not least because you have pre-war memories. Can't you at least entertain the idea?"

Silence. She had expected Nick to jump in with something, to tell her she was crazy or deflect or  _something._ Instead she was met with stifling  _nothingness._

Nora's heart shattered. The tears came freely then, rolling down her cheeks, leaving warm tracks in their wake. Her arms were heavy as she wiped the tears away with her sleeve.  When Nick's voice broke the silence, Nora couldn't help the relieved laugh from bursting from her lips.

"The name I - I mean Nick - had on his wrist. I remember it perfectly, even when his other memories feel like little more than a dream.  _Blanche Carver._ When you introduced yourself as Nora I felt...  _something,_ though I had no idea who you were at the time." He sighed, smoke billowing from the crevice in his neck. He tapped the cigarette ashes into the tray, eyes fixed on the embers. "It wasn't until Coddsworth tipped me off that I realised."

 _Coddsworth._ Of course. She smiled to herself, just barely. 

"When I woke up, Preston was the first one to ask my name. I guess I figured I was going to be living a different life, using my real name felt  _wrong_. So I used my middle name instead. Then when I met you in that vault and you introduced yourself  and I  _panicked;_ didn't understand how my soulmate could be alive all these years later." 

"You saw an old, broken synth and didn't want me to know. I understand."

Nora shook her head. "Funny thing is, that didn't even occur to me until days later. The only thing that mattered was that you were my soulmate; everything else just blended into the background. I was going to tell you eventually; but then you told me about the human Nick, and Jenny, and I thought  _hell, maybe he's better off not knowing."_

Hesitantly, Nora reached out a slender hand - but Nick drew his back before she had the chance to touch him. Instead he plucked the cigarette from his mouth and stubbed it out. Immediately he lit another one.

This was going  _terribly._

"Look Nick, I'm sorry I kept this from you. Lied to you. I could give you a million excuses but they're just that -  _excuses._ You deserved to know from the first second I realised." Her hand felt stiff and awkward as she slowly unclenched it from around her t-shirt, fingers uncurling. Instead she clasped them firmly in her lap, eyes downcast. "I just wanted you to know, and now you do. Whatever you want to do now, I'll do it. I just needed you to know I didn't hide from you because you're a synth."

When Nick blew out a breath a pillar of smoke curled from his lips. A beat of silence passed before he pushed his chair back, free hand rubbing at his temples. Nora knew that didn't do anything for him, but it was one of those habits of his she loved. "I... don't know what to do, doll. It's a lot to take in - I'm not angry at you for saying nothing, but..." He lowered the cigarette to tap the ashes without looking at the tray or Nora. "I think I just need time to think."

When his eyes flickered up, stunning, glowing gold meeting deep brown, Nora was lost. When she opened her mouth to speak, there was only a breathy sigh.

Nick smiled gently, free hand resting so gently on hers. "Come back tomorrow, once I've had a chance to think. As odd as it sounds, I think I need to talk to Ellie; she's excellent at this sort of thing."

Nora's eyes searched his, searching for disappointment or anger or  _something,_ but all she saw was quiet acceptance. Of their situation, of  _her._ Even now, after all this, Nick still trusted her.

Tearing her hands away from Nick's gentle touch was like ripping off a bandaid - quick but  _painful._ One moment her hand was nestled in his - and the next she was lurching to her feet, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry Nick - I really am. I'll be back tomorrow like you asked."

Then she grabbed her jacket and was out the door, listening to the rain hammer against the tin roofs of Diamond City but barely feeling the cold wetness against her skin. The two minute journey back to Home Plate had never felt so long.

* * *

 

Even if Nick wasn't her true soulmate, did that even matter? He was Nick, the kindest and loveliest man she had ever known. Who  _cared_ if he wasn't the human she was soul bonded to? And maybe they  _were_  soul bonded - because he had human Nick's memories, or because of some one in a million chance biological glitch in her system or a million other half-formed reasons swirling around in her brain. 

Diamond City was clearer than the night before; the sun peaked out from behind fluffy white clouds, warming her bare shoulders as she meandered through the market. Best of all, it was blissfully radiation free.

Usually she would have stopped by to say hi to Arturo, or grabbed a noodle bowl from Takahashi. Today, though, she barely nodded to Arturo as she passed; and although her stomach growled she didn't cast the noodle bar a second look. There was  _no time_ to enjoy the rare clear weather or satisfy her hunger because these  _stupid_ thoughts wouldn't leave her alone - so she needed answers. Now.

Assuming of course, Nick had one for her.

Her hands worried at the hem of her tank top - a hand me down from Piper, one that had become somewhat of a comfort item when she was anxious or worried. Honestly she had thrown it on without thinking - but now she was glad for the unusually soft fabric wrung around her hands.

The trip to Nick's was as quick as ever - quicker even, Nora's feet carrying her briskly to his front door. When her hands found the door handle though she froze. Her stomach rolled, a sick queasiness rising up and up until she thought she might be sick - maybe she would have, if there was enough in her stomach to  _be_ sick. Instead she swallowed down the urge to dry heave, squashing it down. When she tugged open the door and slipped inside, there was only a dull uneasiness in the pit of her stomach.

The first thing she was was Ellie, standing on her toes as she reached for the top shelf of an ancient, battered filing cabinet. With a huff she scrabbled for the file she wanted, closed the file with a satisfied smile, and turned to Nora. "Hi, Valentine's Detective Agency. Would you like me to - oh, Nora! Nick's just popped out for more cigarettes; he's been going through them like crazy since yesterday. What did you  _say_ to him?"

She could have feigned innocence, but Ellie already knew. A sigh escaped Nora as she cast her eyes away, letting them drift over Nick's ever messy desk. "Honestly? There was  _a lot_ for us to unpack. It didn't go too well. Not that I blame him..."  
  
"Well he spoke to me too. I'm no expert in soulmates - it took  _years_ for Travis and I to make a move - but I did my best. I think it helped, if that's any comfort."  
  
"Depends on what he has to say," Nora shot back with a smile - a smile that felt tired and forced, corners of her lips barely twitching, "thanks though."

"No problem. I better scoot off - I think this is a conversation better left without eavesdroppers." Ellie lifted a pile of paperwork from her desk, carefully setting them inside a battered leather satchel. "I'm sure the Bobrov's won't mind me doing some paperwork over a drink. Just go be gentle, okay? He's a lot more torn up than he lets on."

Nora watched as Ellie made her way to the door, bumping it open with her hip as she wrestled with the satchel. "Good luck! I really hope you two work it out. You  _are_ soulmates after all." Then she disappeared through the door, quickly swallowed up by the glowing sunshine that was so rare in the Commonwealth.

Leaving Nora to wait. By herself. With nothing to occupy her mind. Wonderful. She collapsed onto the battered loveseat and dropped her head into her hands, ignoring how her dark hair fell in her face with the sudden movement. There was a dull throb forming in the back of her skull - stress, probably. Maybe this was a bad idea... did she even  _want_ to know what Nick had to say?

She could picture him easily in her mind, gorgeous, glowing eyes staring at her, unblinking. She waited impatiently, shuffling forward on the edge of her seat, heart in her mouth - only for Nick to say  _sorry Nora, I can't do this. It's time we parted ways, doll._

Her head pounded ever more furiously, like something trapped inside her brain trying to get out. Even the back of her eyes ached.

"Nora? How long have you been waiting?"

The force of Nora's head snapping up caused her vision to blur and her head exploded into a flurry of pain. Groaning she reached a slender hand up, wincing.

There stood Nick, smoke billowing from a stub of cigarette held between two skeletal metal fingers. The sun flooded the room from the open door behind him, illuminating him, casting yellow beams of light across metal skin. Somehow it made his eyes even more stunning.

Oh boy. He was going to break her heart.

"Hi Nick," Nora replied as she dropped her hand back into her lap. Her heart thudded in her chest, cheeks flushed scarlet beneath the tan, head pounding with every heartbeat. As she dipped her gaze she noticed her hands were shaking. When did that start?

Nick made his way to his desk, dropping two cartons of cigarettes by a pile of papers before settling into his seat. Nora didn't have to look up to know he was watching her; she practically  _felt_ his gaze on her. When was he going to  _say something?_

Her question was answered a beat later when Nick cleared his throat. It sounded odd, coming from a synthetic throat, but it made Nora smile despite herself. "I thought about what you said last night. I'm not going to lie, I was up all night thinking, didn't get a damn thing done about work." He sighed, a sound so quiet should have missed it over the roaring of the blood in her ears.

Nora's mind was left blank, her mind blank of every word in her vocabulary - instead her dark eyes flickered up, lips pursed in impatient anticipation. She refused to rush him, not when this was all because of her in the first place. Still she shuffled forward, hands on her knees.

Instead of speaking, Nick stubbed out his cigarette without taking his eyes off of her. At any other time a gaze as intense as his would have made her flush. He rose to his feet - always so graceful despite his worn joints and wires open to the air - and settled beside her on the loveseat.

Despite the space between them, Nora felt so  _painfully_ close to him. If she just reached out, let her fingers brush against the collar of his coat...

She never had the chance. Suddenly Nick's arms were around her, the warmth of the whirring mechanics under his skin pressed against her, the smell of smoke filling her nostrils.

It was over just as quickly as it began, but Nora's brain was working furiously to make sense of it. Absently she noted the heat of her cheeks, the giddy smile making it's way across her cheeks.

_Maybe everything was going to be okay._

When her eyes locked onto Nick's he ducked his head, hat hiding his face from view. "Sorry doll. I don't normally do this sort of thing; but you looked like you needed it. Well, that and I didn't know how else to let you know - everything's all right between us. Better than all right, actually."

Nora  _heard_ the words sure, but her mind was whirring, struggling to understand their meaning. What was the catch? Before she had the chance to consider her words she blurted, "better than all right, even though I lied to you for  _months?"_

A bark of bewildered laughter left his lip - an odd sound but  _God,_ it sounded beautiful. "If the roles were reversed, I might have done the same thing. It's all out now, that's what matters. I never thought - not in a million years - that I would ever be in love. I never even considered it a  _possibility_ \- but here I am. There is one issue we need to discuss, however."

The word  _love_ hadn't escaped her notice - nor the way his lips curved upwards in a shy smile at the word - and her heart fluttered in her chest. She knew what he wanted to discuss though - and it quickly sobered her. Lips curving downward, Nora nodded. "I really,  _truly_ believe you're my soulmate Nick; and I know you don't have the mark to prove it, but I know we are."

"The real Nick was your soulmate, doll. Not me. Or maybe I am too, but that's only because I'm a metal shell with someone else's memories."

Nora's face scrunched before she could stop herself, a flash of something hot striking through her veins. "Don't say that! You're a different being, a different person. He may have lent you his memories, but that's it. You are  _so much_ more than that!" Nora closed the gap between them, cupping his face with one freckled hand. She took a moment to marvel at their differences - warm flesh against hard, dented metal - but then her eyes focused on his. "I care for you, Nick Valentine - everything that you are. And I  _know_ deep in my heart that you're my soulmate, whatever that entails." She only regretted not telling him back in that vault, the first day they met.

His hand met hers, still resting gently against his face. "You give an old synth hope, you know that?"

"Only as much as you give me," she shot back, her grin so wide it might have broken her if she had been made of metal like Nick. "I think now, we deserve a new start. I promise never to be such an idiot again - only if you promise to stop being so  _mean_ to yourself."

He snorted out a surprised laugh, something Nora didn't even know he was capable of. "I think that's fair."

"I love you, Nick. I need you to know that." Gently she bumped her forehead against his, marvelling at how  _warm_ he was. She could even hear the gentle whirr of his processors. When she straightened back out, all she could do was stare with such  _fondness_ unlike anything she had felt before.

He smiled then, a gentle tilting of his lips, the hole in his damaged cheek bending in a way that  _shouldn't_ have been cute but somehow was. 

In that moment Nora  _melted._

Then he said four words - words Nora never knew how much she needed to hear, but then he said them and everything felt so  _right,_ like the world had finally clicked into place. Like she finally had a place she belonged in this wasteland.

"I love you too."


End file.
